How to gain a good self-esteem

Your self-esteem is how you value and perceive yourself. According to Wikipedia, Self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself, as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame”.

There are times when you lack confidence in yourself, and there are times when you feel too much self-love for yourself. However, one thing you should know is that possessing little or too high self-esteem can have an adverse effect on you. So therefore, you need to strike a balance between the duos. To achieve this, you need to ask yourself this question – “what steps should I take to gain a good self-esteem?”

As self-esteem does not depend on your DNA, it can be changed whenever you like.

When you accept to change your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, and some of your simple daily habits. Now, let’s start analyzing how self-esteem works. Though some people hardly believe self-esteem is fundamental. I have this candid advice for them: “self-esteem has the power to influence your entire life”. It is essential – for your relationships, your job, your health, your mood etc. Having a good self-esteem can literally change your life, your mind and the way you see yourself. It can boost your creativity, your job, your relationship, and every aspect of your life. When you learn how to raise the bar, you will not only have the opportunity of meeting better people, you will also feel better.  Now I’m going to explain this process to you.

Self-esteem works according a simple pattern, which follow this path. BAD THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS = USELESS ACTIONS = BAD RESULTS = LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE = LOW SELF-ESTEEM  or GOOD THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS = USEFUL ACTIONS = GOOD RESULTS = HIGH SELF-CONFIDENCE = HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

Even if you decide to change the order of this formula whenever you like, you will always come to the same result. Meanwhile, you can see that self-esteem is very important just like breathing or sleeping is pretty important to you. Specifically, what you think of yourself, influences your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions, which in turn determine your level of self-esteem. Now you may be a little confused or feel like you are lost in a kind of labyrinth, and you are in troubles to find the way to get out. Yes, it’s true that the self-esteem process is a crucial circle where one single factor is strictly connected to the other. When you do not believe in yourself, you have a negative picture of yourself. All the people around you are able to perceive your self-esteem level from your mood, your look, your way to behave, to talk, to solve any troubles. Have you ever entered a room and noticed the looks of the people around you? Isn’t it true that people who had a bad mood expression on their faces did not attract you?

As we live in a world made of vibrations, sensations and emotions, it’s almost impossible to hide who you are in reality, what you think, how you feel. Unless you prefer to “act” all the time. Emotions cannot be hidden forever, even though you are a good actor/actress.  That’s the reason why if you want to improve your self-esteem. First you have to clearly understand how it works, and get involved in its process. Especially when you are sure to take two of the most important decisions: to be committed to taking good care of yourself, and improving the quality of your emotions.

The first simple principle to understand is that “when you do not believe in yourself, bad emotions and thoughts constantly trap your mind”. As your mind is an amazing instrument, it makes all possible efforts to heal your suffering, and most of the time it takes the wrong actions to do it. When you feel: uncomfortable, sad, depressed, unworthy etc. Your mind finds it difficult to think clearly and so it uses all its power to get through these negative feelings, that you have created. Would you want to a victim of these killers of your happiness all the time? The answer is “NO!”. Then, why don’t you find the strategies to win the game against your low self-esteem or simply to improve it? You may find the following tips helpful.

Avoid pessimistic self-beliefs. When you learn to identify and challenge your pessimistic or negative self-beliefs, you can have a positive impact on your self-esteem.

Spend time with people who appreciate you. Make a conscious effort to spend more time with people who love you and treat you like you expect to be treated. This can help you to feel good about yourself and challenge your pessimistic thinking. Always be free to ask friends or loved ones what they like about you – it’s likely that they see you differently to how you see yourself.

Learn to be assertive. When you don’t like yourself, it’s easy to assume others won’t like you either. Sometimes you may want to go out of your way to help others so they can like you. But you will end up feeling bad if your plan fails. If you decide to go extra miles to please others,  you will have less time and energy to focus on yourself and can affect your mental health. In this case what should you do? All you have to do is to learn to say “NO”. When you do not want to do something, set boundaries on how much help you can render to others, and try to make positive decisions always.

Focus on the positive aspect of your life. For every little achievement, always try to praise yourself.  Try to develop the habit of writing a list of what you like about yourself.

Get support if things get too much. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. If you feel things are getting too much, getting help and/or talking to others with similar feelings and experiences can help you to accept yourself. Only when you are able to develop a certain self-awareness you have the best chances to have a good self-esteem.

Don’t miss the following article where I’m going to explain the importance of self-awareness.

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